


The Swim Back

by SkyFireForever



Category: Gattaca (1997)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-25 11:24:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14377626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyFireForever/pseuds/SkyFireForever
Summary: Vincent had his year in space, he achieved his goal of a lifetime, what was supposed to be impossible. He finally accomplished what he had always dreamed, so why did he find himself missing Earth so much? Why was he missing Eugene so much? While on his mission, Vincent discovers some buried feelings for his friend and can’t wait to see him again when he gets back. Only, once he does return, he doesn’t find what he expected.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> My first Gattaca fic! I'm really excited for this and I hope you enjoy!

_ Eugene was five years old and his parents were disappointed in him. He didn’t understand why, but he knew it to be true. He could tell when his huge grin of pride wasn’t returned as he stood on the podium. He didn’t understand. He had won fourth place in the national spelling bee, better than nearly anyone his age in the country. Why did they look so ashamed when he skipped down, holding his ribbon in his tiny fists? Eugene thought that he had done so well, he’d tried so hard, but his parents threw the ribbon in the trash as they walked out. His mother didn’t hold his hand as they exited the building, his father didn’t look at him, they didn’t congratulate him. He sat in the backseat of the car as his parents drove in silence, not saying a word to him. He watched as they whispered among themselves, asking each other what went wrong, asking how this could have happened. Eugene wanted to curl up and disappear as he stared out of the window, watching the buildings blur together as their car sped past. He was five years old and he was disappointed in himself.  _

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Vincent loved Titan. He loved everything about being there, about exploring and his work. It was everything that he had ever dreamed of and more, so much more. It was incredible and fascinating and he was still so afraid that he would wake up and it all would have been an amazing, beautiful dream and that he’d be back to cleaning the glass as he watched the ships take off from a distance. It all just seemed so impossible. Yet, he was certain that it was real. He couldn’t have imagined a scenario in which he finally proved himself to his brother, or maybe he could, but there would always be that doubt. He couldn’t have created someone like Irene or like Eugene, of that he was certain. Eugene was far too complex, too thought-provoking, Vincent still had too many questions about him for him to just be a figment of his imagination. 

Vincent found himself thinking about Eugene a lot lately ever since he’d left. He found himself wondering where he was traveling to, if he was finally meeting new people and getting out, if he was okay. Vincent hoped that he was at least doing alright and that he wasn’t alone. He was strangely worried about the man, unable to shake a feeling that something could so easily happen to him. He couldn’t wait to see him again. 

As a matter of fact, Vincent caught himself thinking about Eugene far more than Irene. Whenever Irene flickered through his thoughts, it was a fleeting thing and brought forward emotions of regret and shame. After leaving her, it didn’t take long for him to recognize that he didn’t love her, that he never had. He didn’t believe that she truly loved him either, it was hardly a romance, what the two of them shared was an intellectual bond born of excitement and fascination of one another. Vincent had never been in love, but he knew that what he felt for Irene wasn’t it. 

Love was supposed to infect every fiber of your being, it was supposed to fill your every thought, never leaving your head or your heart. Vincent found it all too easy to forget about Irene, which proved that he did not love her. It took him several months into his mission to realize that while Irene filled him with no emotions associated with love, there was someone who did. There was someone who never left his thoughts, who he was always worried about, who he couldn’t wait to see again. Vincent could never quite force Eugene out of his thoughts and it hit him like a ton of bricks when he realized why that could be. Vincent had never intended to fall in love with anyone and especially not with the man whose name he had stolen and yet, the more he considered it, the more he knew it to be true. 

Vincent Anton Freeman was in love with Jerome Eugene Morrow and it took him leaving the planet to realize it. Once it was realized, he couldn’t stop thinking of it. He wondered if Eugene could possibly have felt the same way, if there was even the chance of his feelings being returned. Vincent believed that in his life, anything could be possible; after all, he had achieved the impossible himself. As the months pulled on and on, Vincent found himself looking forward to his return to Earth, to Eugene. He decided that he would tell him everything upon their reunion. As the date grew closer, Vincent couldn’t wait to see his friend again. 

 


	2. Homecoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very happy with this chapter, but I wanted to just keep things going.

_ Eugene was nine years old and he was a disappointment. He had learned that by this point, he’d learned that it wasn’t the things he did that kept disappointing, it was himself. Everything about him was a disappointment. He was supposed to be perfect. He was supposed to be the best at everything, better than everyone and yet, he wasn’t. He was never quite the best at anything, not how he should be. He won first place at the science fair, but it wasn’t praised as the best thing that had ever been shown. He won first place in debate, had the highest grades in his school, was the top of every class, but it was never quite enough. He won second place in track, was the second best at violin and piano and that was humiliating. He had perfect genes, he had no excuse to be holding a silver medal rather than gold. When he won third place, he knew that had to hide, knew that he didn’t deserve the meals that would be held from him and the disgusted looks his parents shot at him. He was supposed to be perfect, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t the best when he had to be the best, when he should be the best. He was a failure. All those beautiful, shining genes and he was what they got. Eugene was nine years old and he wished that he had never been born. _

_ \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _

The journey back to Earth was a long one, but Vincent was certain that it felt longer than it actually was. He couldn’t believe that he was finally going home after so long of living in another world. It was a strange feeling of simultaneous sadness, joy, and confusion. He was going to miss Titan, of that he was certain, but he’d also never been as excited to return to Earth as he was during the journey. He filled the time by imagining what he was going to do once he arrived, planning out the details of reuniting with Eugene. He knew exactly how he was going to greet him, what he was going to say, and how he wanted him to react.

He could picture it perfectly in his mind: Eugene would make some snide remark as soon as Vincent entered the room, trying to hide how much he had missed him. Vincent would laugh it off, knowing how full of shit the valid was and say “It’s good to see you too, Eugene,” and he’d smile at him. If he was lucky, Eugene wouldn’t be able to help smiling back, just the smallest hint of the thing at the corner of his lips. It would make Vincent feel prouder than anything he accomplished in space ever had, knowing that he won. He’d admit how much he’d missed the other man, Eugene would probably just scoff and make more scathing remarks that wouldn’t affect him as much as they once did. He’d make sure that Eugene understood, or at least inferred the meaning behind his words, he had this entire speech planned. He’d look into his eyes before kissing him, being so gentle and soft. In the rare cases he allowed himself to fantasize further, Vincent imagined Eugene kissing him back. He pieced together sappy and romantic declarations of love until he construed one he could hear in Eugene’s voice. 

This was all fantasy; however, and Vincent had no way of knowing how reality would compare. He had hope, hope that his feelings would be returned, hope that he’d at least be able to confess without making an utter fool of himself. He prayed that he wouldn’t stumble or stutter or back out due to fear. He could do that much, he had to be able to do that much. He was Vincent Anton Freeman and he had done so much more than admit feelings to someone. This shouldn’t make him feel as anxious as it did. 

When the ship finally landed and he stepped off of it, Vincent was greeted with cheers and congratulations from coworkers he hadn’t seen in a year and civilians who were fascinated by the astronauts and what they did. Vincent smiled at the crowd and shook their hands, scanning each face to see if maybe Eugene had dared come out of his shell to see him arrive. Of course, he hadn’t and Vincent tried to hide his disappointment at the realization. It didn’t matter if Eugene hadn’t come to greet him, he’d see him soon enough. 

Irene; however, did greet him and Vincent hadn’t prepared nearly enough for the moment of ending the relationship. He swallowed and tried to get the words out when he was saved by Irene ending it herself, declaring that they weren’t the proper fit for one another. Vincent was surprised, but thankful that the burden didn’t fall onto him. He smiled at her and went through all the mandatory tests that came with returning to Earth from outside of the planet. He had carefully prepared anything with DNA, having scrubbed his skin and planned carefully for the moment of arrival. Legally, Jerome Morrow had returned to Earth. 

It took hours for Vincent to finally be released after what feels like hundreds of tests. He was relieved to be exiting the building, taking off towards the flat he shared with Eugene. His heart hammered wildly in his chest the closer he stepped towards the front door. He took a breath as he walked in, struggling to remember his perfect plan of action. He walked slowly down the stairs. “Eugene?” He called, expecting to see the man seated at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for him. “Eugene, I’m back.” He reached the bottom of the stairs and Eugene wasn’t there. He frowned, walking further into the room. “Eugene?” He stopped in the middle of the room, eyes landing on the abandoned wheelchair next to the incinerator. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments!


	3. Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this is very Sad. Enjoy the pain.

_ Eugene was twelve years old when he took up swimming. His parents thought that he should be involved in more sports because that was where he succeeded. He won over and over and over again in sports. Soccer, basketball, rugby, hockey, in sports, he was perfection. The older he got, the better at academics he became as well, winning science fairs, debates, trivia bowls, and more. Whatever he attempted, he succeeded in. He had to succeed in. His parents loved showing off his many medals and trophies from everything he had won, gushing about the traits they had given their son to make him the best of the best. Swimming was just another sport, just another competition for Eugene to win, another medal to be placed around his neck. That was what it was supposed to be. Swimming wasn’t quite the same as the other sports. Under the water, Eugene couldn’t hear the cheers or the chants of his name. It all just blended together, became a muffled blur of distant sound coming from far away. In the water, Eugene was at peace, it was a blissful void that surrounded him, he could be almost unaware of his competitors who would never be as good as him. Underneath the surface of the water, he had nothing and no one other than himself. He had nothing to prove, nothing to win, no impossible standard to live up to. He decided that swimming was his favorite sport, was his everything. Eugene was twelve years old and the burden of perfection didn’t seem so heavy.  _

_ \------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ _

Vincent stared at the wheelchair in confusion, searching the nearby area for its owner. There was no way that Eugene could get very far without it, so it made no sense that Vincent couldn’t see him. He had a distant memory of Eugene mentioning that he would be traveling, but Vincent hadn’t believed him. Was it possible that he had another wheelchair that he used to leave the house, to go traveling? Vincent took another step closer when he was hit by an overpowering stench that nearly knocked him back, causing him to hold his hand up to his nose. He didn’t know how the smell hadn’t hit him before, but his sense of smell had never been the best and the entire room still smelled of cleaning supplies that could almost cloak the stench. Vincent didn’t how to even begin describing the smell. It smelt distantly of something that had been burnt, someone forgetting that the oven was on and allowing a good meal to go to waste as it shriveled and turned black, remaining underneath the stove for weeks as it was left behind and forgotten. It smelled rotten and dry and Vincent found himself overwhelmed by nausea, rushing towards the bathroom and doubling over the toilet to empty his already nearly vacant stomach. 

He pulled himself up, coughing and wiping his mouth as he fought off a wave of lightheadedness. He took a few breaths, making sure that his stomach gave no more protest before straightening himself and gazing back into the room. He quickly pulled his shirt over his nose, hoping to prevent the smell from reaching his nostrils as he walked back out, warily approaching the empty wheelchair. He searched it for any fungus or anything that could be the cause of the smell, but discovered nothing. He looked up and hesitantly opened the incinerator door, crying out when he saw what was inside. He stumbled back, tripping over the chair and falling to the floor, eyes wide and horrified as he stared at the ghastly scene before him. Resting in the incinerator was a skeleton, burnt flecks of flesh still clinging to the bones and a shining hunk of something fused with the ribs. 

Vincent gagged as his stomach attempted to remove contents that it didn’t hold, body shaking and eyes closing in an attempt to remove the memory of what he saw. There was a skeleton in his incinerator. There was a rotting corpse in his house and he had no idea how it had gotten there or how long it had been laying there. There was a skeleton in his incinerator, in front of Eugene’s wheelchair. Vincent’s eyes snapped open as realization dawned on him. The empty chair, the talk of traveling, the shining clump of silver infused with the body, everything Eugene had said that night when he was drunk and had decided to spill his life to Vincent. Eugene. 

Vincent felt tears burn at his eyes and he wanted to scream. He wanted to shout, to cry, to pray, to beg, to yell at Eugene for being so stupid. He did none of those things. Instead, he sat on the floor and stared at the remains of his friend, unable to move or process what was happening, what had happened. He started to reach for his phone, but he stopped. He couldn’t call the authorities or tell anyone. What would he say? He couldn’t claim that he, legally Jerome Morrow, had discovered that Jerome Morrow was dead. No one knew. Jerome Morrow was dead and no one knew besides the person who had stolen his name, his face, his life. Vincent choked and the dam finally broke, releasing a flood of tears to spill down his cheeks and rain onto the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest as he sobbed, no longer minding the foul stench wafting off of the body. 

“Why?” He choked out, unable to look at the skeleton any longer. “Why did you do this?” His hands trembled. “Why?” He shouted into the empty house, knowing that there was no one to hear him. Why did he take himself from Vincent? How could he just throw himself away? Didn’t he know that Vincent needed him? “I love you.” He whispered, crying into his knees. “I loved you, you fucking idiot!” He screamed, needing to take out his emotions on something, on anything. “I wanted to tell you. I just needed to tell you.” He didn’t know why he was continuing to talk when he knew that Eugene couldn’t hear him. He wiped his eyes after crying for what felt like hours, what might have been hours. “You’re a coward, Eugene Morrow.” He whispered. “A coward.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are my best friend! ^-^ Feedback is much appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment! Leave feedback, suggestions, predictions, or anything you can think of! It really helps me as a writer!


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